Monday, February 8, 2016

I’m Drunk But I’m Pretty Sure These Are The Best Red Wines Under $9

Everything you need to know about the best cheap red wines, plus a bunch of drunken nonsense.

Jon Premosch / Andrew Richard / BuzzFeed

I've been to fancy restaurants. I've watched as the wine is poured. I've swished it around, smelled it, nodded my approval. But what makes a truly good wine?

Or, more specifically, what makes a good cheap wine?

Let's be real: I'm not buying $30 bottles of wine to take over to Mariska's theme party on Saturday. I'm buying cheap ass wine. Still, I don't want to buy undrinkable wine that tastes like red vinegar and smells like a musty basement. So I decided to find it the only way I knew how: a good old-fashioned taste test.

Jon Premosch / Buzzfeed

How did I pick the wines? Mostly based on terroir, which is a fancy French word for land. I shopped only within the terroir around my office, where I'd most likely shop for wine to bring to a hypothetical friend's party. From the Walgreens across the street I picked up Chateau Diana and Vineyard Creek, and then went two blocks over to Trader Joe's for the rest. My criteria for the wines were as follows:

1. Is it under $9?
2. Is it red?
3. Have you purchased fewer than nine wines?

If the answer to all three was yes, I bought it. I bought it good.


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